I've read and listened endlessly about Indigo / Crystal children, and similar subjects.. & I know I fit exactly to their descriptions. I am not so sure that whether we are Indigo, Crystal, or whatnot is really so important because I feel that we can change and evolve through the many layers/levels of consciousness and are not stuck to a particular 'label'.
I've always had great interests with things beyond only what we see, because these things interested me, & also because they are here and very real. And there was nothing in my mind that could deny their presences in our lives. & so I didn't understand how people were so close minded to such things, I felt that I was so different from everyone.
As time went on and I went to school & society - I think I began to suppress my gifts which I wasn't aware of, in order to conform to my peers and adults. I would always question why I was so different from those around me, or why they couldn't see that we're all the same. It just caused a lot of confusion and distortion for me.
I had somewhat an outlandish childhood.. because for so many years people around me (& even still) like my parents or teachers, really misunderstood what I was going through... As a kid I would be playing alone in the forests or fields having fun with 'spirits' or entities. & I often would see them vividly or even hear my name called out, or something trying to talk to me - without a doubt that they were actually there. I'm pretty sure that when I was younger I was so much more clairvoyant and clairaudient than I am now, but I think that's changing
Well when I got older and these things I had been holding down started to burst out of me, trying to get my attention, I didn't know what to do or how to describe it to other people. I didn't have any teachers or enlightened people around me to aid me in the situation.. and I wasn't aware enough to ask for help. This set me up for a struggle which lasted so long (I don't know how many months/years)..
[But looking back I now see how much stronger I am, how through healing and recovering from those times, I have more 'experience' or understanding of how to help others who might be going through the same thing. This is why I don't regret my past.]
I didn't do well with the school systems, they couldn't see the problem - although it was very clear to me. I didn't learn the same way, I wasn't interested in these mundane things, and I was bubbling with eager creative energy to learn and discover what they could not offer me...
I was diagnosed with 'ADD', and this only made things worse for me. The medication was a horrible experience & I had to stop after complaining every single day about it for a month. After so many internal/external struggles it really got out of hand when the doctors put the label on me of 'Bi-polar/Schizophrenic' and pursued trying to medicate me with these drugs which had a horrible effect on me..
They put such a 'disorder' on me because I was not being offered what my soul needed - the love and compassion, understanding, and nobody was really pushing me towards my dreams.. I felt hopeless and suicidal, and I really began to wonder why I was born here in this awful place, where I could see the world going downhill.
The doctors didn't understand what I was talking about when I told them the innocent truth about my childhood, what I had experienced with the 'supernatural' or 'psychic'. I was looking forward for them to offer me insight into these and help me pursue my spirituality.. But I was offered the exact opposite!
I feel that I need some advice.. I don't know how to get them to understand I don't want nor need in any way these clinical chemical drugs, that my psychiatrist insists will help, they only make things worse for me. I am not really depressed, ADD, bi-polar, whatever.. It's an illusion that they are falling for! =/ I've even asked if they could offer me a natural homeopathic treatment, (though nowadays I have to BS myself through all of this to avoid conflicts) but they tell us that it doesn't work, it's not scientifically proven, blah blah blah.. BS! I'm so tired of it.. It's been many years now, and I feel that it's so unnecessary now that I'm beginning to find myself..
I honestly have not taken these 'meds' in well over a year. & since then I am doing better than ever, growing especially more than ever in these recent months! But I have to lie to my parents and doctors which makes me uneasy, but there's not much else I feel I can do. They believe now that the reason I'm doing so happy and good is because the meds are working! This has become such a mess.. because they don't see that it's because of ME and MY effort -- not these stupid drugs they call 'medication', which honestly make me sick!
Even though I'm no longer thwarted by nervousness, anxiety, depression, or abundant negative energies.. there are things which need healing, and I feel that until I can break free from these, I won't be able to move on much further.. I know in time things will work out. But again there are some things that are still clinging onto me.
If anyone has any feedback, I'd appreciate it :)
Thanks for reading friends, sorry it was so long, i tried to make it shorter
Namaste & thank you for your time
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