I have had enough here. I wished I had choosen a better body to be born into. This one has done nothing but brought heartache and misery to me. I dont think this planet WILL ever be ready for us regardless of what some anicent calender says. I deeply feel like the lizards have won this planet completely and we are doing nothing but waisting time and energy which could be better used somewhere else in the galaxy. Surely their is some other planet that would better welcome our efforts than this one. I am tired of my personal mantra being lifes a bitch and then you die and I am one more day closer to dying and leaving all this shit behind. I live with the following conditions here: high functioning developmentally disabled, Aspenger's Syndrome, flat feet that blister easily, lazy eye, mytro valve prolapse, tmj, hypothyrodism, depression, social anxiety, learning disablities, unspecified personality disorder, myofascular pain syndrome, stimulus condition and sleep apnea. You basically have to dress like a whore it seems like to get a man of some kind here in America. I dont feel comfortable dressing that way and I believe it cheapens me. What does that mean? I will probably wind up delievering on my word I gave my earth parents which was if I am not married when they die, I am willing to be made a ward of the state and placed in a facility so my extended earth family doesnt have to care for me. They have their own lives to live and the dont need to be burden with the care of me. Plus in a facility I can be kept heavily sedated so my mind doesnt wander back to what could have been if only fate had smiled down on me. I have had enough and all I can do is cry quitely because out loud aint an option. Why? Because it would draw my earth parents attention to me and they would want to know what is wrong with me and then turn around whatever I say and make me look like the bad person. God this planet sucks.
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